Loving Myself

Thought provoking questions found here

Who do you sometimes compare yourself to?

I find that I compare myself to everyone. My friends, my coworkers, girls shopping at the mall, the ex's new girlfriend...etc.

I don't have low self-esteem. I think I am attractive and my personality is great but I always find the "better" qualities in everyone else. When I compare myself to my ex's gf, I think about him meeting her in a bar. Bars = fun I suppose so the girl must be fun. She must have something so great about her that he just up and left me so soon after meeting her.

I have never been to a bar. My friends invite me all the time but I just don't see myself enjoying it. For one, I don't drink. Two, I don't like being around drinking/drunk people. Three, I can't stand smoke. Four, I dislike loud music unless it is an outdoor concert. Five, all my friends are prettier than me so I would totally look like the loser of the group.

I am trendy, I dress nice and "cutesy". I love dressing up and going out...to the bookstore. I'm the cute, nerdy girl I guess you could say. I don't follow sports but I like going to sporting events...just the competitive atmosphere that attracts me I guess. I love being outside. Camping, hiking, bike riding, skate boarding lol, basically I am a guy in a female body with awesome style.

I will always compare myself to others. I think it is just human nature to do so.

Although, I am slowly learning to love me for me and that is all that matters right now.

Driving Myself Insane

Ten on Tuesday

1. What’s the recipe for your favorite drink? (Smoothie, alchoholic, coffee, whatever.)
Wow. I am going to sound really boring but I don't drink anything besides water. I do, however, like the Mio drink mix in strawberry/watermelon.

2. What kind of razor do you use?
Venus Spa breeze

3. Who is your favorite Sesame Street character?
I didn't watch Sesame Street as a child and my daughter doesn't either but I remember my most favorite book ever when I was little was "Cookie Monster and the Cookie Tree". Sooo, Cookie Monster.

4. What makes the perfect salad? (Lettuce type, toppings, dressing, etc.)
I use any garden salad bag mix for lettuce and then I add shredded taco cheese, diced tomato, garlic cheese croutons, bacon bits, diced chicken or some ham, and lots of ranch. MMMMM.

5. What was your favorite subject in school?
Elementary school: Reading/language arts.  Middle school: Science/social studies  High school: Art & home ec

6. What’s your favorite summer tradition?
My birthday is July 4th so my family always gave me a morning birthday party with balloons and games, then for the afternoon we had a bbq, and of course fireworks that night. We still do the same thing minus the morning activity.

7. Do you suffer from season allergies? How do you combat them?
Thankfully, NO!

8. How often do you have to charge your cell phone?
"Have" to every few days but I usually charge it every night while I sleep.

9. Do you have a bucket list?
No. I'm just boring like that.... Think I should go make one though, it might actually give me something to look forward to.

10. Do you have any desire to go back to school?
Ha. NO. My life is busy enough with my daughter and two jobs.

*Questions found here

More Than Words

Confused

The ex says he misses us and is thinking about moving back. He said he is going to start looking for a job here and an apartment. While the thought of that does make me happy if he actually did follow through with those plans, I'm just left here wondering why he wouldn't just move in with us and be with his family again like he is supposed to? What did I do that was so bad that he would leave me for another woman?

He says that they haven't been getting along for the past month but as of now their wedding is still on for October. Obviously I realize their relationship can't be that bad if he still has plans to get married.

This guy is totally undecided right now. And he needs to get it together. I want him back so much but I won't wait forever. It isn't fair to me to not have love in my life.

But I don't want to start looking for another love. I want his love.

Today is the day...

I see the ex today after 7 long weeks of not seeing him. We will be meeting halfway and taking our daughter to the zoo tomorrow. I am both excited yet sad. We should be doing things like this as a family all of the time. This isn't the way our life nor our daughter's life was supposed to be. He said his girlfriend wanted to come and meet our daughter but NO. I am not ready for that. Don't think I ever will be. If she shows up anyway I will seriously freak out. I don't even know what she looks like, I don't know anything about her. It just makes me shaky just thinking about meeting her. It isn't her fault that he left me for her, I know. I still don't like her though, just because. My family tells me I am being immature about it all but I don't care...they have never had the one person they have been with for their ENTIRE life just disappear in the blink of an eye.

Cross My Heart

Coffee Shop

I found some thought provoking questions here that I want to answer each week. First one up is -

When was the last time you tried something new?

Yesterday! I got off work a little early and went to a coffee shop to just sit for a while and people watch before picking up my daughter from daycare. I have never went and sat down somewhere like that to eat/drink alone. It was nice to just sit down and let my mind wander over a cup of coffee. A cup of coffee that I didn't drink haha. I still don't like coffee since the last time I tried it, which was forever ago. Love the smell, but not the taste!

I have no idea what possessed me to do this, but I enjoyed it. I rarely get off work early without having my second job to go to so it most likely won't be happening again anytime soon.

By The Way

Ten on Tuesday

Theme = Perfect.   Perfect is what my life used to be....sigh.

1. What's the perfect meal? To me the perfect meal is ANYTHING with pasta. I looooooooooove pasta!

2. What are the perfect pair of shoes? Strappy heels. I love them paired with a sundress.

3. What is the perfect afternoon? I would love laying on the beach when it is 70ish and watching my daughter play in the sand.

4. What is the perfect house? A nice, brick 5 bedroom house with a huge yard. I WILL build my dream house one day :)

5. What is the perfect outfit? See the answer to question #2....

6. What is the perfect wedding song? Guess I will never know since my fiance is now the fiance to someone else.

7. What is the perfect job? Stay at home mom. Would love to stay home with my daughter.

8. What is the perfect hairstyle? I love loose waves on long hair. I think short hair looks best stick straight and choppy.

9. What is the perfect music festival? Lollapalooza!

10. What is the perfect day to yourself? A little morning shopping at the mall followed by laying out and reading a book. Then for the evening, a small bowl of pasta and some tv or a movie!

*Questions found here - rootsandrings.com

Hello..

My friends and family are not cutting it...I need some conversations with other people. Just in a blah state of mind these days and looking to spice things up a little! So I am trying the online things...

I am a soon to be 22 year old mom to a 2 year old daughter. She is my everything. I work two jobs and don't get to see her as often as I would like (ideally that would be all the time!). My day job supports us just fine, I work my second job to have extra spending money. I enjoy traveling and going on vacation so I'm not going to have all that cut out just because he left. "He" is my ex. The ex left me after over 10 years together. We never married, but we were saving up to have the dream wedding. He is instead getting married to a girl he met in a bar just one year ago. I am extremely devasted by it.

I don't want to date, don't have time to date. I hate the thought of my daughter having another father figure in her life other than her dad. I want more children, but don't like the idea of having other children with another guy other than my ex. I know it is more common than ever these days but it just isn't for me.

I just don't get it. My ex was so wonderful and so perfect. He was the dream guy you see in the movies. He was an amazing dad from day one. And now he is gone. He provides for our daughter as he should (plenty of child support, sends her clothes and gifts through mail, etc.) but he rarely sees her now. He moved 5 hours away and with our work schedules it is just hard to meet up. I refuse to let my daughter stay with him. She has never spent the night away from me and we are not starting that now.

My ex and I have always been best friends. We were in the same kindergarten class and always played together at school and after school. We began "for real" dating when we were 11 and our relationship ended almost one year ago.

I know I need to move on, especially with him getting married in October. How did you move on from a long-term relationship?